


The Ten Commandments

by ChildOfRagnarok



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Also inspired by online raging, Drabble Collection, Inspired by Team Service Announcement, seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 03:09:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6937198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChildOfRagnarok/pseuds/ChildOfRagnarok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the life of her, the Administrator can not understand how the world's so called top mercenaries cannot follow the ten simple commandments every mercenary is expected to follow.</p><p>A brain sweeping work to clear my mind while I'm working on <i>The Road to Hell...</i> Inspired by the Team Service Announcement series by Krunkidile on Youtube.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The ten commandments are compiled by me and my frustration at Team Fortress 2 online play, but with plenty of inspiration from the YouTube series "Team Service Announcement" by Krunkidile, which is both hilarious and helpful for new TF2 players.
> 
> I would like to point out that most of these commandments apply to me too, since I am a pretty crappy player and it's a mystery why nobody has threatened to tear me a structurally superfluous new behind yet.

The Administrator could not understand.

The mercenary squad hired by Builders' League United (or BLU for short) had one simple mission. _One._ Take one control point and defend it. Easy. And yet they had somehow failed, being thwarted by a squad of uncannily similar mercenaries hired by Reliable Excavation Demolition (RED). Granted, she had been pulling the strings for the RED team as well, but that was beside the point.

How could they have forgotten the ten simple rules? She had done her darnedest to drill those ten simple rules into their heads. Every mercenary under her employ was supposed to follow those ten simple rules - live them, breathe them, and any mission would be a cinch. But apparently, in case of the BLU team, they went in one ear and out the other.

The Administrator sighed to herself as she poured herself a glass of red wine, took Ms. Pauling's proffered reports of the BLU team's (for lack of a better word) exploits and began to read...


	2. Thou shalt mind thy team balance

_"3... 2... 1... You failed."_

The disembodied voice of the Administrator rang over the map, washing over the twelve battle-weary BLU mercenaries, almost drowning out the sound of dawning celebration from the RED team as they prepared for the Humiliation round.

"Gentlemen", said BLU Spy #1. "It appears we have failed our mission."

"Indeed", said BLU Spy #2.

"I'll admit I'm a bit surprised as to why", said BLU Spy #3.

"Surely we haven't made a mistake in our team setup?" said BLU Spy #4.

"That's a piece of piss!" exclaimed BLU Sniper #1.

"Mongrels!" BLU Sniper #2 helpfully added.

"Our team is perfect! Those wankers can't have..." BLU Sniper #3's rambling was cut short by his head getting an impromptu ventilation tunnel. Right before his consciousness faded, BLU Sniper #3 thought he could hear a distinctly RED-employed Australian accent gleefully snickering, "It's like Christmas morning".

"We'll regroup and give 'em a gobful next time!" BLU Sniper #4 called out as the rest of the RED team began their charge.

"Hear, hear!" BLU Spy #5 called out.

The BLU Medic, BLU Heavy and BLU Scout looked at the rest of their team, then the approaching RED team, then each other. They would have shaken their heads in exaspearion if the RED team's baseballs, shotgun shells, $200 custom-tooled rounds, flamethrowers, rockets, syringes, and grenades hadn't ripped them clean off their shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been on this team. Seriously. Five Spies, four Snipers, one Scout, one Heavy and one Medic (that was me). And I swear people wondered why we were getting schooled.


	3. Thou shalt not leave thy Medic to fend for himself

The battle was looking very grim for the last three standing members of the BLU team. The others had succumbed to enemy fire (in one case literally when the RED Pyro decided to spycheck) or falling to their clumsy, painful deaths.

The BLU Medic was assessing the situation. His only two teammates were the BLU Soldier and BLU Demoman, and they were both fairly critically injured. And the entire RED team were approaching.

Gritting his teeth, the BLU Medic went to work. He felt the bone-jarring vibrations from the probably not very safe apparatus on his back as it generated healing energy through the Medigun, shooting a blue ray first towards the Soldier and then the Demoman.

"You deserve a medal, Doc."

"Aye, thanks, Doc."

The BLU Medic adjusted his glasses. They weren't in a good shape right now, but he just needed a few more seconds. His Übercharge was at 98% charge; just a little more healing and he'd be able to...

And then, with a jaunty wave, the BLU Demoman laid down a bunch of Sticky Bombs and blasted himself sky high. The BLU Soldier soon followed with a Rocket Jump.

Realizing that he had been thrown under the proverbial bus, and that he couldn't charge a garden snail with a 99% Über, the Medic said the last words he felt could express his resignation just before the RED onslaught bore down on him.

"Oh Scheiß..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a few more Medic-centric of these, courtesy of me being a Medic main. :3


End file.
